something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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