i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
