real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
