i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
