You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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