i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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