they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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