Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
