Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
me + whiskey = a bad person
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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