youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
