First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
