I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
