1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
