i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
