I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
