i jhust puked up my retainher.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
