i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize