I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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