I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
