i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
