Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
