She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
