jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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