im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You're like the curious george of whores
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
