I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
