Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
