Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
