i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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