i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
