Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
