I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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