One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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