I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize