I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize