I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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