while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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