I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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