i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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