I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
