so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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