Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
