Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
