You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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