used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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