i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize