I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
