she woke up with a sticky ear
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
