My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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