I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
