Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
