When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
