I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
