i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
MIDGETS
????
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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