so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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