3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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