Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
