Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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