So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
