dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
