I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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