So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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