What a fucking waste of an outfit
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
