just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
