chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize