we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
