Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize