I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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