it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
