Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
