how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
