Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
