ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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