what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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