we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
