home. puking in laundry basket.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
