My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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