I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
