I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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