Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
