Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't put those talents on a resume
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
