i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
