"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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