It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize